Totally Fake MiO Stories

Oct 27

Never Fear, MiO Is Here

We would never abandon you, but we know finding MiO over the Summer was more like a treasure hunt than grocery shopping. You rock our collective socks off with your patience. You’ll be happy to know that MiO is completely back in action and waiting for you on your local grocery shelf. Come see us. MiO for all!

Now, we’re returning to our regularly scheduled thrills of entertainment on

Aug 11

You and MIO sitting in a tree, __________ .

Hi. Here at MiO, we thought you might like some help creating your own “Totally Fake MiO Stories”. Simply copy the following message, paste it into the form on our "Share Your Stories page," fill in the blanks, and submit to us and see if you end up on the Tumblr!

____name___  is a  ____noun___  with a real love of MiO. When  ____name___  was ____number___  years old, they first discovered their talent for  ____verb-ing___  and soon became obsessed. But, it wasn’t until  ____name___  started  ____verb-ing___  that he/she really understood  ____noun___.  That’s when things got serious. To date, ____name___  has  ____verb-ed___  over 30,000  ____nouns___.  But,  ____name___  hasn’t stopped there.
“I love  ____noun___.  But, now that there’s MiO, I have a whole new obsession. I like using MiO to  ____verb___  my  ____noun___.  Or sometimes, I’ll  ____verb___  with a  ____noun___  and then  ____verb___  a  ____noun___  on a  ____noun___  with a  ____noun___  near a  ____noun___  before I  ____verb___   a  ____noun___  with a  ____adjective___  ____adjective___  ____noun___.  But, that’s just how I roll.
Keep an eye out for ____name___at the ____noun___ store.

Jul 29

Why MiO is “Running out”

Submitted by a MiO reader.

Send us your own Totally Fake MiO stories here. And if you want a little help you can simply fill in the mad libs-style post above.

Last week in a suburb of St. Paul, Minnesota two totally wiped out runners stopped to catch their breath (hard to do in 85% humidity) and slurp down some MiO.  That was when it happened.  Jane (not her real name) noticed that John’s feet were so sweaty and odorous that she could smell them from where she was standing.  In a playful gesture, she squirted some MiO straight from the bottle right into a small gap at the side of his shoe. 

Not to be outdone, John retaliated with a similar squirt at her shoes.  Half a bottle each later, they continued their run and admired the new colors of their running shoes.

Later that evening Jane’s boyfriend was massaging her now sweet and colorful feet.  Eventually massaging led to tasting and a new fetish was born.  Within 24 hours of their sharing on FB every couple in the US who had ever enjoyed feet or lollipops went out to purchase MiO. 

The real connoisseurs claim that running prior to adding MiO adds a distinct and provocative edge to the experience -  both of running and later activities. 

John, however, is clueless.  He doesn’t use social media and is still trying to get the color off his feet.  He has noticed that they smell better though.

Jul 20

The Art of Hoarding MiO

What happens when a world famous painter gets his hand on MiO? Art!
After squirting MiO into five glasses of sparkling seltzer for some friends visiting his studio, Painter/Sculptor/Glass Blower Yins Minzfind was inspired.“It was like looking through a stained glass window.” Said Yins “but the viewer could subvert the standard artist/audience paradigm by actually drinking the art.”
The following day, Yins bought out the entire supply of MiO from area supermarkets.
“I’m creating an enormous beverage mandala that is only viewable by blimp.” Said Yins by email. “Also, I need a blimp if you have one.”

Jul 16

The Island of MiO

After retiring at age 24, internet entrepreneur Darryl Denton became a devoted MiO-lover. “I love MiO. I love the click of the cap and the swirl is the coolest thing since I got my first fauxhawk.”
Denton collects MiO by the case and has actually acquired 76% of the US supply. “I really only drink the first squirt.  Then, I have the remaining 23 servings flown to my private island and distributed amongst my staff and my private skateboarding team.

Jul 12

The World’s First MiO Museum

Oscar Z. Danley had never visited a museum before last year.

That all changed at his 76th birthday party when his granddaughter, Janice Mint-Danley brought MiO to share with the family. “It was a great gift. It was so delicious. But, it also made me realize that I had been wasting my life.” By the following Tuesday, Danley had opened the “Oscar Z. and Eunice Mint-Danley MiO-seum” in suburban Elliot, Pennsylvania. “We collect MiO. Empty bottles of MiO, full bottles of MiO, Cups that celebrities have drunk MiO from. We have a water bottle that was shared on the set of a major Hollywood film set, as well as a half empty bottle an astronaut was going to bring to space, but he didn’t get picked to go.”
For more information on the MiO-seum, call the Elliot, Pennsylvania Chamber of Commerce.

Jul 08

On the Hunt for Missing MiO

Hard to find MiO causing you problems? Well, no need to worry, Private Detective Jack Barry Simonson-Hanover-Greenblatt is on the case. “I realize I have a terrible name for a private detective.” Says Simonson-Hanover-Greenblatt. “But, that doesn’t mean I’m not good at my job.” Spending his days at supermarkets, checking inventory can be thankless work, but Hanover-Simonson-Greenblatt isn’t deterred. “I have easy access to sandwiches.” He said, pointing toward aisle 7.
If you have any clues about where he can find MiO, just go to your local supermarket and look for the man in the tan trenchcoat or page Private Detective Jack Barry Simonson-Hanover-Greenblatt on the intercom.